A GOP (Grand Old Problem)

I feel sorry for Barack Obama. And not just because he has to lead a country as Islamaphobic as America while having Hussein as a middle name. If there is a God (which I highly doubt) that must be one of his cruellest jokes yet. No, I feel sorry for Barack because no matter what he tries to do as president, he just can’t seem to get it right.

Obama is a highly intelligent, articulate, thoughtful, level-headed person whom any country would be lucky to have as its leader. But unluckily for him, he was born in America (he had to produce his birth certificate to prove it) and therefore has to be president of that most backward of places.

Despite what she might say, America is still inherently racist. Sure, in the big cities like New York, LA, Chicago, Atlanta, Dallas etc, they’re more open and liberal minded. OK I lied, not Dallas, or Salt Lake City, but you catch my drift. Rural America however, is a very different story. The hicks that occupy the Mid-West and the Deep South blerrie hate anyone who isn’t Christian, white, straight, a bit inbred and Republican. If anyone has seen the episode of Top Gear where they drive though Mississippi with pro- gay and pro-Hilary slogans painted on their car and almost get lynched will get what I mean.

Unfortunately for Obama, this constitutes most of America. America is more right wing than a bald eagle that has had its left wing amputated and subsequently mated with Mussolini. And unfortunately, the GOP (Grand Ole’ Party) has become more and more right wing in the last few years. They despise Obama because he represents all that they fear. A liberal, intelligent, BLACK!!! Democrat. They only thing he could do to increase their hatred would be to come out as a gay communist. The Republican Party has publicly stated that they will oppose every policy Obama tries to implement, even if their actions are to the detriment of the US. How very patriotic of them.

And don’t even get me started on the Tea Party. Ron Paul, Michelle Bachmann and rest of their cronies are another, scarier story completely, and the less said about them the better. Their only policy seems to be- “whatever that clever negro wan’ do, we gon’ do the opp’site”. That’s presidential material right there. I mean, that’s definitely who you want leading the (supposedly) free world. You guys think Malema is bad? Google Bachmann, you’ll lose your fucking mind.

I mean, no matter what Obama does, he gets criticized for. Free healthcare? - “We can pay for our own healthcare goddamit, and if we can’t, it’s all you damn Democrats who’re to blame”. A financial stimulus to the flailing economy that George Dubya and the Republicans caused? - “This is America godammit; we don’t want no commie policies”. A level-headed approach to the situation in Libya? - “You yellow-bellied sonabitch, lets git ta’ bombin’ the shit outta those Moslems already!” Catching motherfucking OSAMA BIN LADEN??? – Grumble grumble grumble cough “well done” cough.

Granted, Obama isn’t perfect. He concedes to the lunatic fringe far too easily, and some of his policies I don’t agree with- such as opposing gay marriage, but he is trying his best to fix the mistakes made by the past regime and he is finding resistance no matter what he tries to do. Let’s all hope he manages to overcome these challenges and gets to stand for a second term. Or heaven help us all.