Sticks and Stones

I've let this blog lie fallow for quite some time. I write predominantly about South African politics and, while I am passionate about the subject and there has been a great deal going on in SA since my last post, I must admit I find it too depressing to write about. So I haven’t. But recently, an event occurred that was quite personal to me, made waves across our country and had nothing to do with the political landscape, and I felt compelled to write about it. So I dusted off the old keyboard, cracked my knuckles, and here we are.
Two writers whose work I enjoy- Montle Moroosi and Max Barashenkov were fired from FHM for commenting on a YouTube video. Barashenkov stated that white girls who “twerk” should undergo corrective rape. His colleague Montle agreed. This statement caused a furore across the country. South Africans, as they are wont to do, were up in arms, with everyone and their tannie having an opinion on the matter. So let me delve into this maelstrom and give my 2 cents.
Let me say up front that I find their comments sickening. They are indefensible, inappropriate and incredibly offensive. The fact that I know the girl that they were seemingly referring to made what they say that much more personal and real. The two deserve everything that comes their way. But, in my humble opinion, there is more to the story than that.
Anton Taylor, the guy who made the twerking video and who has since responded to their comments with another heartfelt, thought- provoking  video, is another writer who I thoroughly enjoy. I find his writing intelligent and extremely funny. I do not know Anton personally (I met him once at Rocking the Daisies, but the beers had been flowing since about 8:30 so it was a blur) but obviously know of him; we have many friends in common and I have heard all sorts of stories about him, as well as read a lot of his work. While I am in no way saying that anything Anton has ever said is comparable to what Max and Montle wrote, he is known for his provocative, at times chauvinistic comments towards women. That does not mean he has no right to his opinion on what the two numbskulls said, but he must realised that he cannot be portrayed as the upstanding white knight protecting women’s rights. He could argue he was joking, but then, couldn’t Max and Montle argue the same thing? But there my friends, is the rub.
Anton is not alone in this. We are all, especially men of my generation, guilty of making jokes that are perhaps in contrast to our beliefs. I like to think of myself as someone who is passionate about equality and anti any form of discrimination, be it based on sex, race, religion or sexuality. As Ben Harper so eloquently put it- “My choice is what I choose to do, and if it’s causing no harm it shouldn’t bother you. Your choice is who you choose to be, and if you’re causing no harm then you’re alright with me.” Granted, he was talking about smoking weed, but I think it still stands.
Despite those being my true feelings, I know I am guilty of making jokes or comments based on stereotypes. I've made gay jokes, black jokes, “chick” jokes and religious jokes, although none of those things is how I feel. Quite why we make jokes contrary to our own feeling is perhaps a topic for another column. What Moroosi and Barashenkov failed to realise is the power of the written word. If I was at a braai, and made the comments that they did, my friends would (hopefully) tell me I’d overstepped the line. I would then (hopefully) admit to my mistake, apologise, feel like a doos for a bit and move on. But if I made those comments on Facebook, no amount of apologising or explaining would ever convince people that they weren’t my true thoughts. Those words are out there, forever. Whether or not Montle and Max truly believe a white girl deserves corrective rape for twerking (which doesn't even make sense) is a moot point. It is how they will forever be viewed.
In this day and age of social media, where people share and overshare their thoughts, photos, daily routines, we fail to realise that everything we post adds up to the picture of  how others see us. We need to stop and think for a second before posting something that could be deemed offensive by some. “Think before you ink” as nobody younger than 45 says. While we are constantly striving to get more followers online, have more people see into our minds, we need to ask ourselves, what is it that we are showing them? Because, as two writers have recently found out, once you’ve hit enter, there are no take- backsies. 
Those are my thoughts. Take them or leave them. I just have one request. If you see Montle or Max in person, probably skulking around Mercury, remember to punch them in the willy and shout “You know why!”